Rock Impressarios
Despite California's deficits, toxic schools, prisons drowning in debt and increasingly restive and violent felons, collapsing infrastructure, civil bankruptcy and the constant threat of massive earthquakes, a 340-ton rock was trucked to the Los Angeles County Museum of Art to serve as an exhibit entitled "Levitated Mass." The move cost $10 million and was widely ridiculed, except by a small minority who recognized it as a perfect metaphor for the state as a whole.
The Final Frontier
A Romanian man used a weather balloon to launch a toy Lego space shuttle that reached the very edge of space, putting him ahead of NASA, which has given up on the very notion of space exploration to pursue public acclaim in the climate change field.
So Much For That
Demonstrating something about so-called "energy drinks," the inventor of Red Bull, a Thai named Chaleo Yoovidhya, passed away at the relatively youthful age of 89. The company attempted to put the best face on things by claiming he had actually died some years ago and it had taken this long for his saturation with the product to finally run out.
Hollywood Embassario
George Clooney, one of the empty-headed lovelies that flock to California hoping for a career telling everyone what to do, was arrested at a protest outside the Sudanese Embassy in Washington after apparently becoming disoriented when trying to find the Syrian Embassy, this week's approved focus of Liberal anger.
No Man is a Kony Island
The filmmaker who last week was lauded by millions around the globe for shining a light on Ugandan warlord Joseph Kony was detained this week running almost naked in the street in San Diego, a victim, his family said, of exhaustion brought on by the attention and criticism of his work.
Standards Are Important
An American Idol contestant was booted off the show when it was discovered that he had a significant criminal record. The man tweeted his disappointment, but said his Congressional campaign was plugging along as usual.
A One-Horse Show
An HBO drama revolving around horse-racing was cancelled after the death of a third horse in a short span of weeks. Star Dustin Hoffman's financial interests in glue and dog food companies was being investigated.
The Real Thing
Cinema Verite veteran Robert DeNiro, still in costume but on break from his new role as a homeless man, was refused access to his hotel. Nick Nolte, Mickey Rourke and Gary Busey sent condolences and cab fare to their hovel under the 5 freeway.
Belgium Knows the Feeling
In Germany, a film crew sent to get video of a cute earless bunny returned empty handed when a cameraman accidently stepped on the creature, killing it instantly. On the other hand, lunch was more interesting than usual.
The Dawning of Truth
A Dutch woman is trying to re-connect with her family after a stroke left her unable to stand the looks of her grandchildren, who she suddenly saw as "repulsive." Scientists were exploring the possibility of subjecting politicians to the same sort of brain damage in an effort to finally put them in contact with reality as well.
